I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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