I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
