I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
