I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
