It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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