Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
