So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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