I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
