Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize