Don't you send me to vm
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
