the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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