There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
