he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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