I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
