he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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