...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
40s are totally the cure
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit