WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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