It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.