for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me