Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
