There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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