My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
