"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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