Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
