what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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