i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
