also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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