so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
