I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so much tequila, so little girl.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
