Your tits are I can't wait for
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
