there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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