i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
