this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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