I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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