Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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