After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
