i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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