sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
