so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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