If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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