I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
