we're blogging at a bar
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
