Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
