You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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