he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
