I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
