physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
