Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
