I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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