my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
