You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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