it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Randomize
