I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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