I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize