So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
