i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
