dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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