So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
