so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
