well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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