Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
