meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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