it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
