My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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