Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
