Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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