Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
