Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
