im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
