Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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